The Memoirs

My beautiful mansion and Scott’s tower. Been playing Minecraft for about a month now and I have built quite a lot of impressive shit.

While packing my step sisters things up, because my mother is divorcing her father. I stumbled upon a shirt. I shirt I haven’t seen since the night I wore it. I’ll never forget that night, though there are moments of that night I don’t remember. His scent is still on my shirt. I’ve loved him for six years..& now he won’t even talk to me..

I miss you, Jamie.

You’ve ruined all my favorite songs.

Okay.. I’ve got my famous amos cookies, now where’s Cam Gigandet?

Last night was incredi-terrible. I’ve always heard of people having bad trips, but I never thought it’d happen to me because I’m always just so calm. My dumb friends decided to cross this stream by hopping from rock to rock [at 30 degree weather] and climb up this hill made entirely of really big, unstable rocks. It was 9pm, so it was pretty dark.

I’m afraid of the dark. Childish, I know.
I’m pretty good until I’m left behind in the dark.
Which they did.
They left me behind ON the hill made entirely of really big, unstable rocks.

I started freaking out and getting scared, which led to this bad trip.

I’d talked about bad trips with a friend of mine who knows a lot about things like that. He said that you can’t have a bad trip unless mentally you’re really nervous or freaking out or something.

Well, I was freaking out.

I can’t even describe how it felt, I don’t think. I couldn’t really see, because it was so dark. I just started scrambling up the rocks, not even caring if they are sturdy or not. I got up to the top and I had to climb over briars and small fallen trees.

Did I mention I was doing all of this barefoot, because I had worn sandals and didn’t want to lose them? 

I ended up with a small gash in my foot and cuts on my leg. I didn’t even notice because I was trying to catch up with them. Once they got to the top, they had full on RAN to the spot we were headed. 

So once I made it to the top, I had to walk there all by myself. I was terrified I was going to not see the edge and walk straight off the hill I’d just climbed. Plus there are two ponds right next to each other that surround the spot we were going to. I was scared of falling into there because I couldn’t see where I was going. The whole time all I could remember hearing is my own breathing, and I was breathing fast. I’m pretty sure I was starting to have a panic attack. Everything was like.. really slow and really fast all at once. I finally made it to the spot and they were laughing at me. I just started yelling at one of my friends asking them why they would do that to me. I didn’t even realize I was yelling. He told me to chill or we’d end up being caught. So I sat down and started taking deep breathe’s trying to calm down. But I kept going from one moment to another, faintly remembering what JUST happened. Then it was time to leave and I freaked out just thinking about climbing down that hill. It was so steep. We finally made it, and this time they didn’t leave me behind. I got my friend to drive to his house so he’d at least get home safely, and I chilled there until I thought I’d be okay to drive. Even driving back home was bad. I shouldn’t have done that. But I managed to drive accordingly and made it home.

I don’t think I’m ever going to do THAT again. 

I hope so…

Too bad that doesn’t make a damn bit of difference.

You. You are my Peter Pan. 
Too afraid to grow up to pursue what you’re heart wants. 
I’ll always love you, & I’ll never forget you.

Holy crap. I’ve never had a post reblogged/liked this much since I’ve been on tumblr.
I feel accomplished :3 

So much truth.

One day, you’re going to wake up filled with regret of the people you left behind on your aimless journey of self destruction. But I don’t hate you. Honestly, I love you, & I really feel bad for you. I hope you wake up before it’s too late.

Great song by Boyce Avenue. 
Makes me all angsty that I’m #foreveralone 

Well, last night was a bad idea.
So, why do I keep trying to remember every last detail? 

Day 10: Anything you wish to say to end 2011?


Ooohhhh, & Happy New Year! 

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